If you are here, I would like to welcome you to my Batcave, my world, and on some days…my battlefield. Perhaps you found me through a google search and needed an ally because you suffer from a chronic illness. Maybe you live with someone who is suffering and you just need a TRUE insight into what they are going through. If you are anything like me, you may just be a little bit nosey and wonder what in the world this blog is even really about. Follow me down the rabbit hole to wonderland. Just a word of warning though, I’m about to share truths that not everyone may be ready to hear. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows in here. Some days are darkest before the dawn and we all need a bit of a storm before a rainbow can peek its head out to give us that ray of hope we need.

INTRODUCTION & MOTHERHOOD

Let’s start with an introduction, and then we can take that fun little journey. I’m Angela Kaatz. There that’s simple. I wear many labels, including some that say “Approach with Caution” and “Warning”. My favorite label is being a Mom to a beautiful autistic redhead named Allison. When people ask me how old she is, I ask them to count the lines on my crow’s feet and forehead. At this point, it’s 17.

Being a mom to a teen with special needs is a challenge all by itself. To her, me being sick or having a flare-up is just another day at home. I could be on my side writhing in pain with tears streaming down my face and she’d say “What’s for dinner?” Now that she’s getting older, she understands a whole lot more, but after a while, you get numb to things. She sees the world differently than we do so if she can’t cure me, she checks on me and moves on. Other days she brings me blankets and offerings (as if I’m the volcano that needs a sacrifice of some sorts) and then generally I drag myself to the kitchen and try to attempt a recipe that fulfills two criteria: Quick and Easy.

WIFE LIFE

The other label I wear is being a wife to a pretty amazing guy. Our story will have to be a blog in itself because it’s a doozy. Long story short is we have been friends for well over 10 years but it took a leap of faith for both of us to get out of the friend zone and into the end zone. There’s my terrible pun of the day. Where’s my gold star? No?! Bueller?! Bueller?! Ok, moving on to the good stuff. When we decided to begin dating, I was already pretty sick and sure I wasn’t going to be around a long time and he still decided to go for it. I told him I needed caretaking sometimes and he says, “Well I’m a certified firefighter and EMT, so I’m up to the challenge.” I told him I had a special needs kiddo, who I was told by an unnamed person, would never be loved by anyone other than me and my family. Yes, people do say ugly things like this, but here comes this tall, handsome fellow who says “I think she’s amazing” and then he even adopts her.

So by this point, I’m about to ask this guy if he needed a brain scan or mental evaluation because who in the world signs up for this WILLINGLY?! Fast forward in time and here we are today. I can’t remember too many days where he doesn’t do something to make me laugh or smile. When I had to have a neurological home study, he dressed up as Batman, a dinosaur, and lord knows how many wigs of mine he wore to invent goofy characters. He takes AMAZING care of me, makes me coffee and breakfast daily, and even runs a business with me. That leads me to my next fabulous label.

BUSINESS OWNER

In 2017 I became so sick that I truly wondered if I just needed to go on disability. My hands began having horrific shooting pains, my legs worked on some days, and then they didn’t on others. How many days off can someone give you for being chronically ill?! It’s not fair to the employer and it damn well wasn’t to me. When I’m feeling ok, I can outwork just about anyone. When I’m sick, I feel like a catatonic cartoon character that has two little X’s for eyes that just had an ACME anvil dropped on their head. Why DID all of those cartoon characters keep purchasing those default items from ACME? Was that the only brand in the Looney Tune Universe available? I digress.

My husband and I decided that with my health being what it was, and with our daughter needing so much more from us, we could put our skills and heads together to form our OWN marketing company, Illumination Marketing, which would do so much more for so many businesses. We said goodbye to the 9-5 lifestyle and welcome to 18 hour days. We work twice as hard as we ever did before, but knew we could leave a lasting impact by helping so many more businesses. No more asking for a day off. If I needed downtime or to go to a doctor, we now had the flexibility to do so. Believe me….that decision wasn’t an easy one and it has been challenge after challenge, but it’s beyond worth it. When you live with a chronic illness, sometimes just trying to stay healthy is a job in itself.

CHRONIC ILLNESS WARRIOR

Now we’ve arrived at the bottom of the rabbit hole to get to the part you’ve been waiting for and probably arrived for. I am a chronic illness warrior. What does that even mean? It means in my mind, I’m dressed up as Wonder Woman with some pretty nifty bracelets, a glowing rope, and legs that rival the hottest Swedish model you’ve ever seen on a runway. In reality, this means I’m dressed up with clothes I’ve had on since yesterday, hair that probably needs brushing, a warm glowing heated blanket (yes even in the summer), and legs that rival that of a hobbit who gave up on any exercising or diet because that requires too much energy for my level of participation.

In 2011 my health took a plunge and I began having issues walking. Just to give you a bit of perspective, I went from cage fighting and 4 hours a day at the gym, to barely being able to walk to the bathroom without assistance. We will tackle that story in a later blog because that one is pretty long and if you are still here reading, I’m sure your eyes may be getting blurry. To sum it up, I ended up with over 20 doctors, all of them puzzled, as to why I was so sick. Every doctor trip ended up with new theories and new diagnoses. Currently, I think I’ve been diagnosed with an illness for every letter of the alphabet except Z. Lord knows I panic with mosquitoes because I damn sure don’t need the Zika virus to add to my list of Chronic Illness Bingo.

Let’s hit the highlights, shall we? My biggest battle is Lupus, Hashimoto’s Disease, and Fibromyalgia. We won’t even get into the endometriosis, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, Meniere’s, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Depression, Anxiety, heart issues, Reynauds, hormone issues, Epstein Barr, chronic ovarian cysts, migraines, insomnia and so much more. When I say I’m battling, it’s me versus myself. I feel like a DC comic book character who keeps spawning evil versions of myself to take me on.

What’s it like you ask? Some days are like a horror film with me being the blonde tripping over her heels in the woods because I just HAD to know what that noise was behind that tree. Other days it feels like a comedy with a laugh track continuously playing because you just can’t make up some of this crazy stuff. I compare my life to comic books, TV, and film because it honestly just doesn’t seem real sometimes. Well, folks, it’s certainly real and the pain is almost a constant reminder.

CONCLUSION

People often use the term warrior because it feels like we live to fight these chronic illnesses. When we are down, we live to fight another day. Feeling strong is not common, but wearing the label of “Warrior” definitely helps the biggest battle we face with any chronic illness, the mental challenge of it all. If you are here because you are facing chronic illness, I applaud you. Mostly because you read this whole thing and didn’t fall asleep and secondly because I consider you a fellow superhero.

If you are here because you are just curious or know someone who suffers from a chronic illness, I applaud you still. It means a lot to people like us when we have loved ones or friends who care enough to find out more. We need allies in the worst way, especially when we are feeling as low as we possibly can or have flare-ups that render us borderline helpless. We don’t need anyone to try to cure us because oftentimes there is NO cure. We mostly just need love, compassion, and understanding. Send us prayers, well wishes, and maybe even a gift basket. For me personally, a phone call is enough to brighten my day. I’m always grateful for those.

There will be more blogs to come so I thank you for tuning in. I know my intro was a bit long but not every blog will be this way. It’s hard to cram 41 years of living into a quick summary. Be sure to enter your email address into the home page, so you don’t miss my future adventures, humor, chronic illness tips, stories, or just updates in general. Thank you all for being here!! I am grateful!

-Angela Kaatz (Chronic Illness Warrior)