When my 40’s came fast approaching and my teenager’s attitude came following just as quickly behind it, I realized that being doubled over in pain even more often than before, was just not going to suit my lifestyle. When I say lifestyle, I mean managing a household, going to meetings, trying to draw a straight line with my eyeliner, battling bra straps obviously made by men, putting on 2 layers of shapewear only to decide to just wear something different after all, and managing not to go crazy most day. My uterus at this point decided to go all in with her evil plan (see my previous blog post) but little did she know, I had the upper hand.

When the pandemic hit, the last place you wanted to be was in the hospital. For a woman in her 40’s with Lupus and an immune system that spent more time battling itself rather than battling foreign invaders, I was TERRIFIED. I was one of the people who caught the initial strain when it arrived and let me just say, I truly thought I was going to die. I struggled to breathe and a felt as if someone was hitting me with a baseball bat all over. My fever stayed at 103 for 3 full days and I was NOT about to go to a hospital. I had no idea it was Covid19 because all I knew was there was a “flu” going around.

With lupus, you deal with what’s called flare ups. I figured this was the absolute worst flare up in the history of flares, so I screamed, writhed in pain and dealt with it. Let’s just say my New Year’s eve sucked on a whole new level that year. Fast forward a little and the world shut down. Oh my God, the stress kept me feeling awful. Day after day, migraine after migraine, flare up after flare up, and then here comes a cyst attacking my last little ovary I had left. Poor gal. She’s just hanging on for dear life all by herself while another bursting cyst puts me down for the count.

We weathered storm after storm until I finally prayed for just a little bit of sunshine or hope. Even Moses got the chance to see the sun after the flood. After endless hormone tests, hospital visits and finally getting my lupus under control, I finally met with my obgyn and told her, “I want my life back. I deserve to be happy.” I was determined. I was feeling fierce. All I needed was that fan Beyonce uses on stage and I would’ve been belting out “I’m a survivor, I’m not gonna give up.” I was feeling powerful, but let me tell you I could hear the thunder from the NEW storm rolling in. This pain was new and stronger than before and the ultrasound results came back the same day marked urgent. They found a mass on my ovary.

A new terror struck me and let’s just say cancer has not been kind to my family. I called very few people because we weren’t sure yet. The pain I was having was new so I was just as worried as my doctor. Blood panels were the next step. Now doing bloodwork is always a nightmare for me. I’ve been blessed with veins that rival an infants and a bloodflow that’s comparable to molasses from a jar. Those cancer marker tests were even scarier than the Covid tests. At least with Covid tests, your results are much quicker. Prepare for multiple sticks with a butterfly needle.

Finally the results were back in and I am so eternally grateful that it wasn’t cancer. It was ANOTHER cyst and a new medical term I could add to my chronic illness list: Adenomysis. Oh dear lord, I have something NEW?! It was the final straw. My female reproductive system had betrayed me for the last time. In baseball you get 3 strikes but this was strike one million and one! I was done. My tubes: Gone. My right ovary: Gone. So what’s the harm in one or two more body parts that I’m not using getting the heave ho! The eviction notice was served via a surgery appointment. It was time to win this war and come out a uterusless victor. Her friend the cervix was obviously a co-conspirator, so she was served the same day. Girl bye!

Finally…..FINALLY…I can have a little less of me, so I can live to be the best of me! Stay tuned for part 4 from surgery to recovery in this journey! Thank you all for following my journey!