Surgery…The Final Frontier

The worst thing you can do before having surgery is to go online. It’s good to be an informed patient, but even WebMd says a headache can be from stress or a terminal brain tumor. All I can hear in my head is that Arnold Schwarzenegger voice saying “It’s not a tumor!” The worst thing that could happen on my surgery day is death, so welcome to a whole new level of worry and stress for me. Granted, this is very rare and not very likely, but life has always had a way of throwing me curveballs when I’ve simply prayed for just ONE home run! Sure enough, as I stepped up to the plate ready to get this all over with, the curveball was imminent.

In order to have my surgery, I had to go off almost all of my vitamins and vital medications. Why? Because my lupus meds won’t allow me to be put under and being awake for a hysterectomy sounds like a pretty bad idea even for the toughest of ladies. I don’t even like being awake to have my teeth cleaned since my gums are sensitive, so I can’t even imagine being awake for a huge surgery.

When I’m off my medications I tend to get weak, tired, and begin to have the shakes. My inflammation gets out of control and I can’t fight off ANYTHING that comes my way. Well little did I know, my daughter brought home a surprise visitor (as teens in high school often do) just days before my surgery that landed her in the ER. It wasn’t Covid, wasn’t strep throat, and it wasn’t the flu. It was some evil throat virus that just made you feel HORRID! With my immune system on strike, I became terribly ill! Can I reschedule? No way! I have Easter coming up, Runway Houston, multiple PR projects and my daughter’s graduation. It was now or never and if I rescheduled now, it may take months to get back in.

I swear, I was on a MISSION to get well at that point. I bought every Vitamin C, Zinc, Nyquil products, and everything in between. Every meal was soup! I was hydrating like I was prepping for a marathon which in it’s own way, was. The marathon to wellness! I slept as much as possible. It was game day, aka surgery day and I was so worn out. My God, I looked like I was already in surgery recovery so I’m surprised they approved me to continue on. I was ready! Bring it on! Eviction notice was about to be enforced to my uterus/cervix and I’m ready to have a little less of me, to feel the best of me!

My doctor and staff were so supportive! I swear as I sat there, I thought about running out of the building at least a 100 times, wondering if I was making the right choice. What if they accidentally take something out that they shouldn’t? What if they hit an artery and I bleed out? What if I wake up? What if I bleed out? The what ifs ran rampant until that little anesthetic cocktail began to hit my veins. Then I began to think, what if I could take this serum home? I’d be the most chill lady in all of history……zzzzzzzz

When I woke up, I was alone. UGH! I hate that feeling. Luckily there was a nurse named James there who came to my side when he saw my look of confusion. A wave of nausea hit me and a little dizziness too. Luckily it was just from the caffeine withdrawals so he made me a small cup of tea. Instant relief. Good lord, am I a caffeine addict?! He offered to walk me to the bathroom and my first thought was, I don’t even let my husband go to the bathroom with me. Luckily my husband finally came back and he was able to walk my groggy self to the bathroom. I didn’t feel any pain surprisingly. What an odd feeling to NOT be in pain for once. Am I dead? Is heaven a hospital? Why do the angels wear scrubs? Heaven serves really crappy & bland tea.

I couldn’t go to the bathroom. I’m not shy by any means. It just wasn’t happening. By the time I could go, it was minimal and not pleasant. No need to run water in the sink. It’s just NOT happening! “What have I done?” I kept thinking. This would all be worth it. I had faith. My body felt so strange. It felt like something was missing. Technically my cervix and uterus were missing but it was an odd sense of loss. I tried to make myself laugh picturing my uterus on the back of a milk carton with someone who tackily added googly eyes to the picture, but I knew that this would be the beginning of a new journey: Recovery. Just as I thought, I was sent home. I didn’t feel like crying yet, and I had no idea that this recovery would be such a major event for me. Of course I SHOULD have known but it’s almost like hearing about something versus experiencing it for yourself.

Another chapter of my life of living with chronic illness had begun. It was time to feel, heal, and get real because little did I realize, this was the best decision I ever made….but there’s always a price to pay!