When you live with a chronic illness or chronic pain, people sometimes ask “Well, don’t you get used to it?” The long answer is, imagine being stabbed in the abdomen or having someone hit you with a baseball bat on various parts of your body daily. Could you get “used” to that? The short answer is no. Just because something happens often, does it mean that you completely acclimate to it.

When my uterus decided to go to the dark side and become the evil villain in my story, I decided that the enemy you know is better than the one you don’t know. So unfortunately, I did choose to live with it for many years. So many doctors and specialists advised me on how my life could improve. I just wasn’t so sure. Endometriosis took a hold on my life: Cancelled plans, nights of agony, and the monthly visitor was often dreaded.

Fast forward to 2004, I had my first and only miracle baby. After 2 miscarriages, I was told that childbirth, especially with severe endometriosis would be impossible by natural means. My insides were a mess, yet here was this miracle I held in my arms that I never thought I’d ever see. It wasn’t easy to get there. I nearly miscarried her countless times as I worked over 14 hours a day on my feet. My bosses were less than sympathetic when I had to BEG to go to the hospital as I knew I was about to lose her. I won’t name the company, but thanks to a nameless hero, she turned in my bosses, reported them to HR and was able to get me home on bedrest. I wish I knew her name because she was a hero in my book.

After raising my daughter through the terrors of the terrible twos, I began to have yearly surgeries for ovarian cysts, endometriosis, and scar tissue. My obgyn again BEGGED me to make the decision that could ultimately help me live a life with less pain and suffering. Yearly and sometimes twice yearly surgeries were risky at best, but I was just not ready to let go. A hysterectomy is a HUGE and permanent decision. What if I wanted more kids? What if something goes wrong? I just wasn’t ready.

At one point in my 30’s my right tube decided to join the dark side and become an ally to my evil uterus. My tube wrapped around my right ovary, strangling it, to produce pain that made childbirth delivery seem like a walk in the park. Back in to the surgery room I went for a double tube removal and to sacrifice my right ovary. I thought about having a memorial service for it with only me in attendance, but I didn’t want to give my uterus the satisfaction of having her victory just yet.

With a stiff upper lip, I pressed on and having another child became a decision that I had to reevaluate and accept, was no longer an option. It was time to come to terms with having this incredible daughter of mine and be thankful I was able to at least have her before making the biggest decision I’d ever have to make in my life……..